alma oppressa

I've had weird metaphors of this promotion running through my head over the past two days while observing people at work. Ever since everyone saw me come out of that meeting with the two advisors I'll be working for, they've been giving me these knowing looks along with a small, but sly smile. I feel so dirty, as if I'm prostituting myself. We had a nice chat, they felt me out to see if I'm able and reliable, figured out where they'll put me up (in a cubicle in the back of the office...), like a whore in some dingy apartment outside the city. There I will await them as they put a thick stack of business into my inbox every day before lunch. Graphic enough for you yet? This has nothing to do with how they're treating me, in any sexual harassment sense. It's all in my head and all completely metaphorical, yet I feel dirty and exposed. Prostitution is business, plain and simple. And business is prostitution. Besides that everyone's been super-nice. Yes, super.
There is an administrative position open at the LA opera and I was going to apply for it today, but didn't end up doing it. I don't even know if I want to anymore. It might be more interesting, but it absolutly will be more time consuming with the commute. I don't think that I'm willing to give up the things that fill up the hours between work and sleep for a mildly engaging job that will probably pay less, have worse benefits, etc. The LA Opera is not going anywhere and this isn't he last administrative position that they'll have open. Once I move away from the front desk, I think life will be calmer and definitely Linda-less at the office and I might just learn a thing or two about retirement planning and mutual funds.
I keep feeling like I'm running out of time, like in a year I'll be 45 and wondering where my life went. No. In a year I'll be 24 and I'll be able to think about where else I can and/or want to go in life. It's my job that's doing it to me. I'm becoming more and more certain that I don't want to live in the US unless extreme circumstance calls for it, which is why I don't want to attach myself to anyone here, unless they either have a very strong desire to move to Europe as well, or are from there and have EU citizenship.