I woke up today feeling better, but I was coughing my lungs out, so I decided not to go to work. I left a message on my boss's cell phone, and I called into the main office where the girl said that it was ok, but I still haven't heard back from my boss. Here's hoping that I'm not fired. If I am, then all the better.

I'm in bed listening to The Fray and Snow Patrol and being sad. I'm being so well looked after by my mom that it makes me scared of getting older, getting weaker and more vulnerable and not having stable support like that. I know I can deal with things like sickness on my own. If I could live through a terrible kidney infection completely on my own, I think I can live through a cold. It's just so much nicer to have people around. Am I lonely? Yes. Do I wish I was in a relationship? Right now, yes, but only if it's perfect. No relationship is perfect, therefore I don't want to be in a "real" relationship. When Larkin and I first started dating he had doubts about wanting to be with me because it wasn't perfect and ideal and that's what he was looking for, in a way. I tried to convince him (and I guess eventually I succeeded) that perfection doesn't exist and that we're good and that's good enough, etc., but I feel like I've slowly been changing my mind. Maybe finding a perfect relationship is kind of like finding a mathematical limit that doesn't exist. You never quite get there, but it's so close that you can still write your findings down on paper. The limit does not exist, but there is an infinity of close values, and I'll try to find one of them. For right now though, while I'm in Torrance, I will systematically avoid relationships like a plague.