Novermber is nearing its end

So many things, so little space. I wish I updated more often so people could follow my thought process of things. It's unlikely to happen, but I'll try nevertheless.
I've traveled little since Madrid. Just to a nearby village and to a nearby castle, which were amazing, but not some grand adventure. My big adventure will come very soon though, in about 3 weeks when the program end. I really can't believe this is the end... I'm trying to savour every moment, every breath and every step but it's slipping through my fingers so quickly.

In three weeks I will begin traveling throughout Europe almost by myself. I broke up with Larkin about three weeks ago now. The reasons for it were numerous, and it saddens me that he doesn't understand them, even though he's heard them very clearly. I don't know if it would make it easier if he did understand them, but I tried. We probably won't be talking for a long while now, which is taking some getting used to. We also certainly won't be traveling together. That was a big reason for the break up for me. I realized that this was mine, and for several reasons I just didn't want to share it with him. In my last post I said that I have to keep reminding myself that this situation that I'm in is not real. Everything is easy and fun and it will only last for the next few weeks. Well, I don't know if I feel that way now. I'm literally in love with life here. I just want to soak it all in, and I can't allow the thought that I won't come back into my head. It just doesn't sit comfortably there. So my plan is go back to the U.S., pay off my credit cards, save some money and come back here. Maybe not to Cordoba, but to Spain. And even if it's not Spain, then somewhere else in Europe. I don't want this to go away, I don't want to let this go. I wish I was staying here for the entire year but it's way too late to extend and I can't afford it right now anyways.

Over the past few weeks I've been feeling another surge of confidence in my Spanish. Every one of my professors says that this is normal and it's just a part of learning a language intensively like this. There's a surge and a plateau, then another surge and another plateau, and on and on and on until complete fluency. I'm nowhere near fluency, but I'm not afraid anymore. Because of this I feel like I've been getting sneak previews of this Spanish life that I didn't know existed before. Personal relationships between people, irony, friendship structures, etc. Just everyday things that everyone has in their life. I feel like until now, because of the language barrier, Spanish people were just these one dimentional cardboard cutouts that just looked different, but talked about the same things. And it's true, all we've talked about with Spanish professors and Spanish friends is cultural differences and the weather. Flat, impersonal observations. Now, these individuals are coming into relief and some of them are fascinating people, and I don't want to leave them just yet.

I'm sorry that I didn't go into details about my break-up with Larkin, but this is definitely something saved for close friends, and not for my public blog.